Restless Dreams
Mulling endless hours, mindlessly gazing at my ceiling which is summoning sleep. One night turning into a week of sleeplessness. Unable to calm my mind to focus, the loudness of my thoughts interrupting my ability to rest. At first, I do not concede with exhaustion, but then it takes vengeance on my body. Tiredness reaching into the core of my skeletal system creating a deep lethargy, with crippling fatigue draining me. Then traveling deeper into the nervous system, wrecking every thought, transforming all into idiotic, reckless pointlessness.
Struggles with good sleep has haunted my life since infancy. I only slept two hours every twelve-hour period as a baby. As I got older, my parents replaced my bedroom door with a screen door, and the outlets could be shut off by a switch. This was to keep me safe during the night because they needed some rest. Endless hours, I spent sculling through the night building worlds with Legos. Sleep would come when I was ill, which exposed when I was pretending to be sick to get out of school. (School was another struggle for me.)
Sleeplessness has been problematic throughout my life. Sometimes, I am envious of those that sleep. Some envy me because they foolishly believe more waken hours creates more time for productivity. I only wish that was true, but there is little accomplished in fighting for calmness with your thoughts. I mainly subsist for hours with mindless activity. Sleepless days roll into weeks, and I just keep going like zombie. During the height of the pandemic, I felt less isolated at night awake, knowing that at night people are normally sleeping.
Another misconception is that insomnia doesn’t keep you awake permanently… just until you crash. I may sleep but I awaken grumpy, perplexed and still worn out. My mind never slows into REM sleep. The inability to calm my mind creates an inadequacy to focus my thoughts clearly. I have no concept of good sleep hygiene, which compounds my insomnia. Doctors prescribe many different sleep aids, that seemingly did not work. Even with better sleep hygiene, which consists of no late meals, no late device watching, and no reading in bed, I still struggle. It seems my body was designed for less sleep, but the endless, ungovernable racing thoughts remains my main problem with rest.
If you struggle with insomnia, it is important to be examined by a physician and psychiatrist to develop a good treatment plan for you. There are many factors that affect insomnia: from physical illness to metal illness. Good sleep hygiene is an important element for limiting your struggle with sleeplessness. Here are some techniques that may help but are not a replacement for a proper medical evaluation.
• Create a dark sleeping environment. Many devices produce a sleep-disrupting glow.
(“The blue light emitted by many devices disrupts the natural production of melatonin, a hormone that facilitates sleep and can throw off your circadian rhythm.” Suni, Eric. “Technology in the Bedroom,” June 24, 2021. Sleep Foundation. https://www.sleepfoundation.org/bedroom-environment/technology-in-the-bedroom. Accessed 1/10/22.)
• Develop relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, as you settle in for the night.
• Eat balanced breakfast. It helps keep you from going back to bed.
• Drink a large glass of water, instead of fueling up with sugar and caffeine.
• Get out of bed after nine hours. Most people function well after seven hours, but nine hours of sleep prevents napping.
• Don’t nap! Even if you are tired.
• Keep to a regular sleep schedule.
““O sleep, O gentle sleep, Nature’s soft nurse, how have I frightened thee. That thou no more will weigh my eyelids down, And steep my senses in forgetfulness?””