Teaching Linda
I met Linda when she first came into Sykesville Middle School as a sixth grader. I had taught her older sister and her mother was a volunteer for the team I taught on, so I was familiar with the family. My first real introduction to Linda though was when her mother called and asked to meet with the team the week before school started that year. The conference was nothing like I expected.
As you read this, remember this was at a time that the terms bi-polar, Asperger’s, and autism were not really used. Mrs. Bunk came into discuss with us what to expect from Linda and to explain all that Linda had been through in her short life. When Linda was just a little girl, doctors had told the family that Linda would never be able to learn and it was recommended that Linda be placed in an institution. The family was told it would be better for them all if Linda was placed somewhere permanently. Mrs. Bunk had refused to do that and had been fighting to get Linda the education she deserved. All she wanted was for Linda to be given a fair chance. By this time Linda had already proved the experts wrong. She had learned to read, could do Math, and proved she was capable of learning.
That was the beginning of my relationship with Linda. Linda was older than the other sixth graders in my class. She was tall, kind of gangly, and unsure of herself. She had been placed in our lower ability classes and she just didn’t fit in with the other students. The other kids in her class didn’t really try to be friends with her and Linda really didn’t seem to want to make friends. She really struggled with social cues and would often put kids off by some of her comments. She hated most of her classes and didn’t seem to have anything in common with the other students.
It didn’t take long though to see that Linda was more capable than anyone, except her mother, had given her credit for. There was just something with Linda that the more time you spent with her, the more you knew we were missing the boat with her. Linda’s eyes would dart around the room quickly, she had a hard time sitting still, and she was aware of everything going on in the room. She never seemed tired, but I knew from her mother that she hardly ever slept. Linda might get two hours of sleep at the most. Mrs. Bunk shared with us that even as a baby Linda never napped and still would be awake most of the night. Linda had a kind of nervous energy, like a caged cat waiting to escape.
We decided as a team to move Linda out of the lowest group to the next group up and see how she did. It was a good move for her educationally, but it didn’t help her social skills. Kids just didn’t understand her and Linda really didn’t have friends. Or even know how to make them. I didn’t know it at the time, but later found out that the other kids bullied her. School was a miserable place for Linda. Instead of being a safe place to learn and grow, it must have seemed like a prison for Linda.
One experience that is so clear in my mind was when we took our students to the county’s Outdoor Education Program for a week. Linda refused to go, but Linda’s mom had called and talked to me about making Linda go. Linda was really afraid of going. She had had a previous experience at an over night camp that went really wrong for her. I never knew the details of that experience, but I knew it affected Linda deeply. I made a promise to Linda’s mom that I would try to keep her at the camp all week. I would be there the entire week and would be spending the night as well. Linda’s mom just wanted Linda to have a better experience than before and to be honest, I think Mrs. Bunk just needed a break too. For Linda, the outdoor experience was scary. I was just positive that once we were there, she would love the freedom of being outside all day hiking, learning about nature, and that that she would be so tired at night that she would be able to sleep. I think it was our second day there that some girls in her cabin came running to find me to tell me that Linda was leaving. Sure enough, I got to the cabin and Linda had her bag packed and was going to walk back to Sykesville. She was adamant about leaving. I gave her all of the reasons why she shouldn’t leave. Listed all the fun things we would be doing the rest of the time there, but it was not convincing her. She was so mad with me and had an argument for every positive thing I had to say. Finally, in frustration, I remember telling her that she would still be walking to Sykesville , lugging her suitcase and sleeping bag as we drove past her on the way home on Friday. The whole idea of staying must have been horrible for her. Linda did make it through the week and her mother was so happy, but now as I look back on it, I am not sure I would have handled it the same way. My hope was that Linda would see that she could be away from home for a few nights and that she would be okay. My other hope was that the other students would see Linda in a different light and see that though she was different, she had so much to offer. Instead, I think Linda must have felt trapped and so very much alone.
Linda’s middle school years were full of struggles. She was moody, at times argumentative, unhappy, and yet she continued to learn. Her mother continued to be her best advocate and finally some of her teachers finally realized her potential. By the time Linda was in eighth grade, she had been moved into the second highest group. I remember feeling so proud of her and also remember how I felt our school system had failed her in all of those beginning years. To be honest, there were teachers who I don’t think even tried to get to understand her. Middle school had to be so hard for her; life itself was hard for her.
Mainstreaming students with different types of disabilities was just really beginning to happen. There was no training being given to teachers at the time on students with autism, Asperger’s, or bi-polar disorder. Students like Linda were often institutionalized and forgotten, never given a chance to live a normal life. If it wasn’t for Linda’s mother, Linda would have been one of those children.
My relationship didn’t end after Linda moved on up in the grades. She often showed up in my classroom after school and would just hang out and talk to me. Sometimes she would have a lot to say, and at other times she would just be kind of quiet. Even once she went to high school, she would show up and talk to me about some of her classes or what she was up to. Sometimes she would be happy and we would laugh about something silly and I would tease her, but other times she would come and I could see a deep sorrow within her eyes and I would pray that I had the right words to help bring her out of the darkness. I knew that the darkness was always there, just hovering over her waiting to swoop down and engulf her. It was those times that I worried about her the most.
To say that Linda is an exceptional person is such an understatement. She has had struggles that most of us cannot imagine facing. She is smart, artistic, and has such a love for helping people. It still amazes me when I see this young woman who you could never touch or hug, develop the relationships she has made with her missionary work. To see her share her photography with children and her connection with the elderly she has met in her travels, speaks volumes of her giving heart. Linda was sent to us for a special reason. God does not make mistakes. I am grateful that Linda came into my life and am grateful that we have reconnected in the last few years. I look back and wish I could have made things easier for Linda, but I guess that was not God’s plan. I hope some day to see Linda publish a book of her experiences. We can learn so much from her.