Back to School
I am in the middle row second to the left! I am not sure what happened to my face!
Returning to school after summer break was walking on broken glass without shoes. I was that weird kid in school. The one everyone picked on, from the school bully, teachers, other bullied kids, and other parents. Summers were filled with summer school, tutoring and other structured activities. The end of summer was dreadful, because I didn’t want to return to school. Change is very difficult for autistics. My rigidity routine could not be interrupted. This change created both physical and emotional issues. I would get emotionally exhausted just overthinking the first day. Physically, I would begin to feel sick.
I didn’t have many friends because I was that weird kid. I dressed in hand me downs and had strange interests that many other kids didn’t share. Lunchtime was terrible, I mostly ate alone or at the weirdo table. My lunches were completely different. While others had peanut butter and jelly, my mom made me salami sandwich wrapped in wax paper. Recess was a mine field of bullying from one group or another. I stood out because I was two years older since they held me back two years.
My first year in school, I bounced around to several different schools. I had to repeat kindergarten and third grade. In addition to my autism, I had many learning problems and was diagnosed with ADD. During my toddler years, my parents were strongly advised to institutionalize me because I would “never be educated.” My mom said no. I entered school during the 1970’s, and special education was not readily available. Growing up in rural Maryland created many challenges for my education.
I am in the seated row third from the left with high waters on!
In third grade, I was the first mainstreamed special education student in the public school system. At that school, I did make a friend with another girl that lasted through high school. We drifted apart during college age. I did make several other friends in middle and high school. Although they are distance relationships, I still have them today. I never participated in sports or other after school activities. And I have never attended a high school reunion.
Every year seemed harder and harder to return. Middle school was a nightmare because my parents divorced, and I started self-injury through cutting. The bullying got worse and developed scoliosis. I was well known in the nurse’s office. High school seemed worse. It was not the best time of my life. I made it through and graduated with honors. This is a miracle since most students held back twice don’t graduate. My mom was not happy that I didn’t graduate on stage. I wasn’t going to wear a yellow cap and gown. However, when I completed my MFA, I did graduate on stage.
Every first day of school was a nightmare that just seemed to get worse and worse as I progressed through primary education. However, college was extremely different. I found a group to fit in with, a mixed bag of artists at a public university. Semester changes didn’t bother me as much. Undergraduate college was difficult, and I didn’t complete my studies in four years. I was diagnosed with Bipolar and then Asperger’s. I struggled with Bipolar and was in and out of the hospital. It was hard to come to terms with my Bipolar. Strangely, the diagnosis gave me an understanding of my weirdness.
I ma in the back row third of the left with the awesome red sweater!
During undergrad school, a five-year-old opened the door to God’s love and grace. I became a believer and devoted a lot of time to His work. God showed me His plan and I was content. Even with this peace, I still struggled and ended up estranged from my family living in my car and unemployed. Without direction, my therapist suggested I apply for graduate school. I was bored and aimless. I had a week to prepare my application while living in my car. God blessed me and I was accepted into the graduate program and an international renowned private art school. Only three hundred were enrolled into their graduate program.
Graduate school had many difficulties. I lived on my own for the first time. I had many struggles with mental health, physical attack, hospitalizations, robbery of my apartment. But I completed my education on time for the first time in my life. I was in the hospital when I had to defend my thesis project. God was in control. After graduation, I thought I would have a nice job in the art world, but that did not happen. I still struggled and was in and out of the hospital again.
God blessed me even through struggles. He showed me that His plan was different. He showed me how being in a psychiatric ward prepared me for the mission field. He showed me how this weird, picked-on kid would glorify God in Ukraine and beyond. For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.
“for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.”