Bipolar and God
How can bipolar disorder be a blessing from God? It seems like a strange question. God uses everything for His glory. God doesn’t do evil, so how is bipolar a blessing? God made me wonderfully and in His image. God is glorified in my disorder.
My suffering reveals His glory and is an encouragement to others. Christ told His followers to take up the cross. He suffered like no other person, because He bore all the sins of every person to pay our ransom by His shed blood. I may think that no one has suffered like me when self-focused. Christ suffered the wrath of His Father to mend my disobedient heart.
Suffering is a part of the sinful world I live in. My suffering is due to the world, and my own disobedience. My suffering reveals His glory to the others around me by the way He leads me through it. I can’t discount this suffering. God is always with me during the darkness hours of the night. He is with me in the highs of manic state or the lows of depressive state.
I have Bipolar Disorder, which means I have more episodes of mania. This mania can manifest into psychosis, is a state of audio and visual hallucinations, incoherent speech and behavior. Mania may seem to be fun, but it is an episode of overly exhausting racing thoughts, thoughts that pushed my brain into my skull without control. Like a car speeding out of your control, and no matter what I do I can’t stop. Even a tiny amount of sleep will not stop these racing thoughts. Dangerous uncontrollable compulsive behavior can lead to death or at least serious injury.
After the mania, depression consumes me. This episode hits me like a brick wall, but only last a few days or up to a week. Endless joyless pit fills my every thought. I can’t feel joy, but only a deafing loneliness. At times, I don’t feel the presence of God, but I know He is with me because He will never forsake me. Sleep has been a scarce practice in my life. As an infant, I only slept every twelve-hour period. Even in my depressive state, sleep is still sporadic. When I am ill, I sleep. My nights are full of isolating joyless abyss.
Medication is needed to balance this chaos between mania and depression. After my first diagnoses, I was on a rollercoaster of medications. Time rolls on, while my doctor figures out the right medication. Medication is different for each person with bipolar, what works for others may not work for some. Side effects are difficult and numerous. The worst side effect is weight gain. I never had an issue with weight as a child, but many medications, used to treat bipolar, disrupt the chemical signals that control appetite. There are other troubling side effects, like feeling numb, or less creative. My doctor and I have found a balance for me. Medications may work well for a time period, but stressors can damage this balance.
Life balance in structure/routine is very important to living with bipolar. Unstructured routine breeds instability, in turn mania or depression. Along with structured life, accountability enforces stability. Being a member of a church community fosters this accountability. God created the church in part for this purpose. Members are accountable to the leaders God placed over me. His church fills the gap between treatment team and sufferer, which keeps the sufferer stable.
How is my bipolar mess a blessing? How is God glorified in my bipolar? (And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28) Through my bipolar, I have been hospitalized serval times. These hospitalizations have prepared me for the mission field. How? In the hospital, the patient loses all control, and comfort levels are stressed. I was pushed out of my comfort zone very quickly. Global mission trips push people out of their comfort zone. God used this time to show me I could be out of my tightly control of my comfort zone.
Conclusion: why do I share this with you? As the Lord has stretched me beyond conventional methods, I invite you to welcome God’s stretching in your own life – whether that is reading my experience and understanding me to be a more-equipped and loving brother or sister or seeing my experience and recognizing it in someone else who might need serious medical or spiritual help. Please pray in the following ways:
1. Pray for all suffering with mental illness.
2. Pray that someone who is suffering will seek out help.
3. Parents pray for your child suffering with mental illness.
4. Pray for healing and recovery for someone with mental illness.
5. Pray for people suffering mental illness to feel joy and hope from God.