How to Love Someone Afflicted with Mental Illness?

Mental illness takes a toll not only on the sufferer, but on everyone around them. Stigma and shame make it very difficult to find support. Mental illness is the disease of the lonely that spreads to their caregivers or loved ones, who feel crippled in the silent struggles of finding the time, resources, and energy to support the needs of their loved one. Here are five ways to love someone afflicted with mental illness.

1. Educate yourself about your loved one’s diagnoses.
   How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver. – Proverbs 16:16

   Take the time to research their diagnoses, but be mindful not to become their therapist. Understanding their symptoms aids in your ability to walk with them in crisis and recovery. There are several resources online. (NAMI, Key Ministry)

2. Encourage and pray for them and with them.
   Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. – I Thessalonians 5:11

   John Newton wrote Amazing Grace, but he lived out that amazing grace. Newton was encouraged to write hymns by his wordsmith friend, William Cowper, who struggled with depression. Newton didn’t scold his friend for not praying enough or losing faith, instead he walked with him in the valleys that most of us would avoid. Fourteen months Newton walked through those stormy depths with Cowper as he struggled with agonizing, paralyzing depression. We can all learn from John Newton and William Cowper's twenty-seven-year relationship. Also, prayer is very difficult for those that suffer. Ask how you can pray for them or with them. 

3. Learn to be a good listener.
   Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; –James 1:19

   Those with mental illness need people around them whom they can trust and who are willing to listen. One way to gain this trust is to not define them by their illness. They are a wonderful gift made in the image of God. Relationships with people who are mentally ill are often one-sided. As that relationship develops, you will gain understanding of them and their symptoms. You and your loved one should have a plan if they may be at risk for self-injury, suicide, or harming others. (The mentally ill are more likely to be victims of violent crimes, than being the perpetrator.) You will have to be ready to do the hard thing and call their treatment team, 911, or 988.

4. Go beyond love.
   Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. – Galatians 6:2

   Mental illness is a terrifying affliction for those with it and for those trying to love them. These illnesses have extreme peaks and intense leaden valleys which are exhausting for you and your loved one. Please don’t walk alone. Family and friends find support in God’s Word and their church community. Love is important, but the walk is a calling to show compassion like Jesus Christ. We are to bear one another’s burdens. Jesus created the church to be a holistic community where everyone belongs, not exclusive. We (Christians) belong to His family.

5. Know when to rest.
   Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11:28

   Walking through fire with your loved one is hard. There are times you will not be able to walk with them, and that is okay. You need to know when to rest. Resting does not mean you don’t love them. Sometimes the relationship dynamics can make you feel overwhelmed, isolated, and scared. Take a rest and prayerfully evaluate the relationship balance. Reflect on His Word to guide you and your walk alongside them in the fire.